Dancing with disaster

A fiasco! A mortal embarrassment! A sentence of social ostracism! An unsuccessful ball, my grandmother used to say, is something that is never forgotten, something to be lamented when lying on one's deathbed. And she knew the truth of it, having experienced pre-war social life and borne witness to an unsuccessful ball hosted by a cousin.

Back then holding an unsuccessful ball was social suicide. The host had the choice of blowing his brains out or retiring to a provincial estate. In any case, he could salvage his reputation only by playing dead.

"It will be a lovely affair…"

Such dramatic scenarios were certainly not being considered by Michał Kamiński, secretary of the state in President Lech Kaczyński's Chancellery, when, with a gentle PR smile on his face, he announced at a specially convened press conference that there would be a ball.

A grand ball. To be held quite soon. A ball for the whole world, held in Warsaw on November 11, the Polish Independence Day holiday. Fifty-five heads of state have been invited to gather and celebrate 90 years since Poland's independence at a ball in the Polish National Opera. "It will be a lovely affair," Kamiński said.

I don't know if the world held its breath then, but the chiefs of the Polish security services certainly did. To preserve Poland's good name they diplomatically refrained from asking how, in the space of less than two months, they were expected to prepare measures to ensure the safety of 55 heads of state.

And they found out about this operation, uniquely massive on the international scene, at Kamiński's press conference. They honorably assured that they would manage without problems. Perhaps, as often happens with security services, they had received a signal that the ball would only amount to a harmless non-event.

Fifteen (provisional) confirmations

Unfortunately, after three weeks it was already clear that President Medvedev would not be cutting a rug with President Saakashvili's wife at this ball, and that President Bush would not be dancing the lambada with Lyudmila Putina either. Nor will Silvio Berlusconi be attending - a lost opportunity for him to awkwardly cuddle Chancellor Angela Merkel on the dance floor while former Prime Minister Jarosław Kaczyński works up his courage to ask Carla Bruni for a slow dance.

"We have confirmation that there will be 15 heads of state at the ball. Provisionally…," Minister Kamiński summed up. There is hope that Poland's close friends and neighbors, at least, will help salvage President Kaczyński's social standing. Thus we may see the leaders of the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Ukraine and Georgia shaking their tailfeathers.

Thirty-something couples at a ball isn't so bad! Perhaps the event won't end in social pariahdom. Perhaps it will be possible to spin the event into an intimate gathering of close allies. Unfortunately, however, reality has once again intruded in the Kaczyńskis' political agenda.

Kaczyński v. Wałęsa

Former President Lech Wałesa dealt the greatest blow. Unloved, slandered and constantly discredited by the Kaczyńskis' party, the legendary leader of Solidarity and living Polish "export brand" appears to have had the last laugh.

To commemorate the 25th anniversary of Wałesa's Nobel Peace Prize, celebrities will come from far and wide in December. More than 50 big names have already confirmed their attendance and the number of confirmations is growing day by day.

These include Chancellor Merkel, the Dalai Lama, Mikhail Gorbachev, former South African President Willem de Klerk, the musician Bob Geldof, officials from Brussels and from across Europe. It is likely, however, that President Kaczyński will be absent, despite receiving an invitation from Wałęsa.

Oh well. My grandmother would probably have commended his decision - after all, one must avoid all social contacts after an unsuccessful ball. The president can't just retire to a provincial estate, though, so in dealing with his peers on the international stage he'll just have to force a smile and ask, "What ball are you talking about?"

Joanna Wóycicka is the former head of the foreign sections of the Życie Warszawy and Życie newspapers and the former head of the foreign department at the Polish Press Agency (PAP).