It's not really a TV show, how clever...

Techeye was recently invited to cover a mysterious party in London which, according to the organizer, had "a technological angle." This sounded interesting and we agreed to show up, on condition that the town of Staines be expelled from the United Kingdom first. Needless to say, that didn't happen - something about time constraints, they said - although our proposal generated significant interest among the UK's "unStainesed" population.

A friend of ours went instead. When she reported back, we kicked ourself for having missed the opportunity to express our disdain in person.

As it turned out, the event in London wasn't just a product launch, it was a product launch rooted in soulless, duplicitous marketing - in other words, it should have been our kind of party.

According to the triumphant marketeers, "The campaign took the form of a TV show trailer featuring a central character, Scarlet, who can play romance, action, period drama, sci-fi, thriller, but who also has a secret."

The secret? Sadly, it wasn't her tragic past as a ladyboy hustling for her family's sake in Bangkok's Patpong district. Nor was it her plan to become the fourth Power Puff Girl. No, the secret was that Scarlet, which had been advertised for more than a year as a "hit new TV series," was in fact a new series of TVs. 

"Scarlet is the mysterious, mesmerizing face that has been seen on billboards, in magazines, on the hottest red carpets for months, and [recently] at a Central London venue, she finally unveiled her secret... Scarlet is in fact a hit new series of TV's [sic] brought to us by electronics giant LG."

Scarlet, oh Scarlet... How can we mock thee? Let us count the ways.

Seriously though, Techeye is a devoted enthusiast of both technology and skulduggery. It seems natural that, should the twain meet, the results would please us no end. Instead we can't help but feel an utterly average amount of disdain for LG's limp advertising ploy. And, for future reference, we suggest that any secrets touted by viral marketing campaigns be instead referred to as "secretes."

As for the "scarlets" themselves, the LCD TV range runs in size from 32 to 52 inches, nearly all of which boast full 1080p resolution. The sets come in black with (gasp) scarlet trim and feature "invisible speakers" and an "intelligent sensor" which apparently adjusts the picture according to the lighting in the room. LG also notes that, "the soft touch sensor makes even a simple task like turning the TV on or off more appealing."