Life of the damned

I believe. Or do I?

I am a Catholic. However, I long to tell interested and surprised foreigners that this does not mean that I pray every day and go to church every Sunday. I don't have a crucifix hanging on the wall of my bedroom, I don't own a statue of the Virgin Mary and I forget about fasting on Fridays.

And most of all, I don't listen to Radio Maryja, I have a very low opinion of Catholic conservatives in Poland and I consider Father Rydzyk to be a person who is damaging the image of my country. Moreover, I think that tolerance and respect for differences are the most important elements of interpersonal communication, and that no one has the right to demand that others blindly accept his arguments.

I am now pondering whether I truly believe, however. In order to remain a Catholic in Poland, I should accept a point of view which differs greatly from my ethical beliefs and intellectual reflections. Am I now an atheist? Probably not, since I still believe. But according to the Church's doctrine, based on my views I can merely be considered an excommunicated apostate.

The slaughter of innocents

Fortunately I am in good company, since part of the present Polish government will also not be saved. The government's proposal to finance in vitro treatment with national health insurance funds was roundly condemned by the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church in Poland.

The Episcopate did not conceal its displeasure: "At this stage of experiments and knowledge there is not the slightest doubt that in vitro is a breach of the right to life of already conceived people. For the price of one life, to give joy to parents and to give them a child, others are killed," stated Archbishop Józef Michalik, chairman of the Conference of the Polish Episcopate.

He added that in vitro "cannot be accepted by any decent person, all the more so by a Christian with a well-rounded conscience."

I was naïve to have been moved by the sight of happy children who had come into the world via artificial fertilization. How will they feel when they find out in the future that, in bringing them into existence, their parents and doctors broke divine rules? Will they fill the waiting-rooms of psychotherapists because they feel guilty that their birth was accompanied by the slaughter of innocents - the death of their unborn siblings?

This seems to be what the Catholic Church in Poland thinks. It wants all of the faithful to believe that frozen embryos are people in the initial phase of a normal earthly life. And there cannot be any discussion of this, because it is a divine matter - full stop.

And there was (supposed to be) reason

I don't want to be an atheist. I really would like my Church to let me continue to believe. Unfortunately, Catholicism is slowly becoming less popular in Poland, because it has failed to adapt to present-day needs, to the general tenets of democracy, which are not founded solely on a "true doctrine." Poland's youth is increasingly giving up on the Church.

My teenage son decided for himself that he would study religion. He explained that this would make it easier for him to grasp the essence of European culture, history and art. But then he heard from the catechist at school that in order to get to Heaven he must cut his long hair and stop listening to heavy metal because it was made by Satanists. The thunderous burst of laughter from the class resulted in a mass detention. And the Church lost more of its flock.

"In the beginning was the Word," says the translation of the Old Testament. However, in ancient times "logos" (the Word in Greek) meant reason and thought above all. It seems that something has gotten lost in translation. l

Joanna Wóycicka is the former head of the foreign sections of the Życie Warszawy and Życie newspapers and the former head of the foreign department at the Polish Press Agency (PAP).