Tech Eye: All that glitters is not gaudy

It was our finest hour. No more would we toil under the yoke of the local authorities insistence that we smoke outside during the fortnightly school disco because of "fire safety reasons" (not to mention the fact that we were officially banned form said disco, as we were no longer under 21). No more would we put up with the measly two varieties of biscuits on the plate during the interminable weekly town meetings when we had to listen to the constant moaning of Fishwife Bridgie who claimed that there weren't enough net curtains a-twitching of a Saturday evening. And never again would the local parish priest be able to pop in to the local watering holes of a Sunday to guilt-trip us into giving a few pence to his grubby collection plate.

Oh, the need for change fomented, and TechEye was merely the match to its kindling, but once we unleashed revolutionary hell, all heads rolled. Our time at the helm was short-lived, however; just 15 minutes after we named ourselves "dictator for life" the newly installed Revolutionary People's Committee of the Parish turfed us out of the very movement we had mere hours earlier led to victory, and all for merely suggesting that incest be legalized.

Ever since then, TechEye has had a tough time lording it over the locals, but what we lack in taste we make up for in ostentation, so this blingtastic gadget was right up our crazy-paved street. The Jens Excentrique plays MP3, WMA, Ogg and MP4 video. But the best bit is the gold trimming - all 24 carats of it. Get yours from www.jensofsweden.com for around zł.1,200 and you too can look as flash as the inside of a hairdresser's brain.