Tech Eye: Alternatives to hackneyed holidays

Not being the sort to endorse such pedestrian piffle, however, we have somehow remained unsullied by flower or gift shopping. This is a moral issue, of course, and Techeye's stand against these obligatory "holidays" is based on principle.

Judging by the number of lamps and sharper objects Big Mama has recently lobbed at us, though, this has been an unpopular stance on the home front. Thus, in order to simultaneously avoid Hallmark holidays and placate our fiery fishwife, we have taken to promoting a few undeservedly neglected commemorations - like National Hot Dog Day in the US (June 23) - as more worthy occasions to lavish a lass with attention. After all, what more appropriate opportunity could there be for a leisurely cuddle than Australia's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Day (May 12)? Or, to put a little zest into your relationship, how about a re-enactment of Uruguay's Battle of Sarandi (October 12)?

If none of these special-purpose holidays tickle your fancy, neither October 22 nor April 20 seem to host much merry-making. However, given the latter's significance for a distant branch of the family (the Hempeyes), Techeye plans to adopt October 22 this year to launch a new holiday: International Mopery Day. Lovers across the globe will consecrate this day with trench coats, blindfolds and (for the adventurous) oversized whisks and spatulas.

Of course, like many women, our alpha wench will be expecting some kind of lover's trinket on Mopery Day, so we've chosen Frank Buchwald's Machine Light No. 01 to stimulate some scintillation. Manually produced from parts made of burnished steel, brushed brass, blown glass and other bits, the gadget is romance incarnate and glows at around 230V/120V. Most importantly, Machine Light No. 01 looks heavy enough that our salty seductress may have difficulty heaving it. Get yours from www.frankbuchwald.de for around zł.16,000.