Tech Eye: Change of fools
He was hard pressed to agree with Flirty Uncle TechEye in this respect, who several years ago decided that change was such a good thing he was going to change into Flirty Auntie TechEye. Several bank heists, three fraudulent charities and a host of fund-raising events later, the family waved goodbye to dear old Uncle on his flight to Brazil for his big operation. Unfortunately the plane got diverted to Colombia and we have never heard of him since, apart from a postcard which he sent to let us know that he had found some lovely men who promised to help him if he gave them all his money. It was Christmas at the time, and Uncle had even taken taken the time to decorate the postcard with a little fake white powdery snow, bless his little laddered tights.
Despite this little hiccup, Father still avers that change is the way of the future, and, being a modern sort of chap, he's forever declaring that the latest revolution has broken out and it's time to storm the local village hall and wrest back power from the bourgeois 80-year-old women. They have "militarily occupied" (Father's words) the back-room where they while away what few remaining days they have gossiping about which neighbor has shacked up with whom. It is hard to reconcile the image of tea-consuming and stale-biscuit-munching geriatrics with the "secret puppet masters of the world" (again, Father) but when he gets on his high horse (it really is a tall beast), pike and flaming book in hand, it takes a brave soul to disagree.
And so it is that TechEye plunges headlong into our own sea of change. Having bled the resources of The Man's budget for long enough, and after a prolonged bout of absence, attendance while under the influence, and petty theft of office supplies (not to mention the hate mail we've been disseminating on the company's e-mail accounts) we've finally been told to sling our hook. Normally we would take a patriotic stand and go down in a hail of gunfire, but The Man's goons are a tad bigger than anticipated so we've decided to go quietly and live to see another gin-sodden day.
And so it is that we present the last TechEye gadget to sully your doorstep, and, much like the column, it is utterly pointless. This is Tokyoflash's 1000100101 binary watch (yes, we know we've been on a bit of a watch bender lately, but it's better than a butch bender - just ask Uncle/Auntie TechEye, s/he's got scars you wouldn't believe). It tells the time in a ridiculously overcomplicated way and it will cost roughly zł.350. Still, everyone will ask you what it does and for one fleeting, glorious moment, it will be just like you actually have friends who are interested in what you have to say.
And on that note, adieu.
