Tech Eye: Close encounters of the nerd kind

Sure, we've been on a lot of long, strange trips (mostly due to exposure to lead paint, we've been told) but none that involved interstellar intervention. The little green man we once encountered actually turned out to be our own reflection in a mirror (that was the last time we ever drank Grandma Techeye's bathtub tonic) and the only probing we've undergone involved a wager gone wrong (we recommend eschewing bets that involve swallowing more than 10 of anything). In short: the only signs Techeye has ever seen of extraterrestrial life came out at night in Bangkok's Patpong district, though there's a 50/50 chance all we saw were German sex tourists.

While we're not a believer, our poor Cousin Nicodemus Techeye swears he was once abducted by aliens who looked like "shiny, bald Margaret Thatchers." By his account, only the unluckiest of abductees are returned, because life on a UFO is warm and nice and all the furniture is made of candy-like goodness. Now doleful Cousin Nicodemus pines for the day the space-Thatcherites return for him, and in the meantime he is supposed to improve his personal-hygiene practices (evidently aliens don't approve of dirty ears and untrimmed toenails).

There's not a whole lot that we can do for our cheerless kinsman - and frankly, we find his new collection of depilated Iron Lady photos and dolls damned creepy - but we've decided to get him one of Alberto Frias' custom-made Transport "perceptual pods" for his birthday this year. The Transport allows its occupant to lie on "a fluffy cloud-like cushion inside a womb-like space" and "escape into a trance-inducing field of color, music and vibration." It's fitted with an LED lighting system, can be integrated with your stereo, computer and other things and, as with all the world's best gadgets, it is possible to get one with a remote. With a base price of around zł.42,000, the Transport represents an investment of sorts. But if you've got any UFO-obsessed friends or family, it could be worth it. Log onto www.albertofrias.com for more details. l