Tech Eye: Great shiny one from the sky

The local postmistress does a fine sideline in poisoning us, by lacing the sticky sealing bit on the envelopes with some dubious tropical substances, and given the amount of hate mail we have to send every week it's a wonder we are still alive. Then there is the local zoo keeper who, in a bid to stop us going for a spot of delusion-inducing frog licking of a Sunday, has taken to varnishing all the amphibians.

Little wonder then that the voices in our head grow louder each day and we've developed a head-snapping side-to-side twitch that's costing us a fortune in chiropractors' fees. Then there are the threats from the skies, and rarely a day goes by when TechEye isn't left wondering if the mosquito having lunch on our greasy arm is a simple-minded insect or a nano-bot sent on an intergalactic mission to destroy us one buy one, psyche by psyche (but with our multi-layered all-singing all-dancing splintered personality, they'll have their work cut out). Ever since Uncle TechEye took us up to his special place on the roof, from where he got a good view of the local ladies' curling-club changing rooms, and showed us lights dancing in the skies, we've had one more horizon to be suspicious of (true, said lights were the result of quaffing Granny TechEye's bath-brewed créme de menthe).

So imagine our shock, terror and bewilderment when we saw this 23rd-century beast lurking in the corner. But as we huddled behind our stack of nocturnal home movies and reached for the poker to smash the alien interloper to smithereens we realized it was none other than O'hEocha's D2 Saturn speakers. Much like TechEye favorite, Herr Hasselhoff of Baywatch, these three-way 200 watt RMS monsters sound just as good as they look. Mind you, they'll blow an astronomical zł.32,660 off the top of your wad. Still, at least your friends will at last respect you. L=