Tech Eye: My kingdom for a horse, my chariot for a whiskey

It has been a warm, fuzzy and festive season for TechEye.

Although we remember little of the past few weeks, we have a range of press cuttings, court orders and charge sheets from the local constabulary with which we can trace our recent festive trajectory.

We have a few cautions for attempting to climb the village Christmas tree while "under the influence" (of what it doesn't say).

Behold, another slap on the wrists for ice-skating while scantily clad, again while allegedly inebriated, and the final legal kick in the teeth is for trying to hold the three wise kings from the local nativity scene hostage (we knew Jesus wouldn't pay the ransom) while a tad the worse for wear. According to the local papers, "drink was involved."

So, we have been "bound over by the courts" to keep it clean and sober for the next few months, which at first we thought would be a weekend spent in the company of strict women that would be more up the alley of Uncle Fetish TechEye. However, it turns out that it means not a drop of the good stuff can pass our lips in the near future. The sweat and handshaking broke out when we heard this latest utterance from the dock and ever since, as our beloved alcohol goes into exile from the promised land of TechEye's liver, we've been shedding tears of pure vodka.

But our newfound sobriety has one boon - we are now legally fit to take to the roads, and what better steed to terrorize the local highwaymen in than this punchy offering from Toyota. This is its new Aygo and we like it lots, though we would sell it in a flash for a single drop of sweet, sweet beer. Get yours for the best part of zł.40,000, or a six-pack of Dutch Gold if you're lucky enough to meet a desperate TechEye in the next few weeks.

LM