Tech Eye: Oh, to be a real ninja
That's when the ladle smacked us full on the forehead - "No, ye wee retard. Ye'll be a gadget man like yer father, else we'll feed ya to tha sea faeries."
So it was that we eventually honored family tradition, becoming a reviewer of all things tech. There was a period in which Techeye rebelled though, once we were old enough to outrun the family (and outswim the sea faeries). We tried our grubby hand at all sorts of low-tech jobs - from tantric coach at the Bronx Zoo to professional wife trainer (specializing in fetchery) - just to infuriate the family.
None of these occupations felt right, though, and even our work with gadgets has felt a bit hollow on occasion. The truth is that ever since that ladle-laden evening so long ago, we've desperately wanted to become a real ninja.
Of course, having not grown up in feudal Japan makes the dream somewhat difficult to realize. But not impossible. Therefore Techeye has spent a lot of time scouring mail-order catalogues and the internet for advice on how to become a (better) ninja. The most authoritative website we've come across so far, www.realultimatepower.net, helpfully pointed out that "ninjas are mammals" and that "just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean or totally awesome."
That gave us some hope, because "mammalian, mean or totally awesome" was actually how Techeye's previous employer described us in a letter of reference, and we're pretty sure it got us our present job. But then we read on and learned that ninjas spend most of their free time "flying, but sometimes they stab," which doesn't sound too much like us.
Hence we've put our ninja dreams aside for now, and perhaps forever. In order to boost our morale a little bit, Mum pulled a few strings and ordered us a little something interesting - the Mobiado Stealth. This 3G luxury mobile has a body of aircraft aluminum and boasts a sapphire crystal inlay. It's got a two-megapixel camera, Bluetooth connectivity and a multi-format mp3 player. Only 1,200 have been produced, making the Stealth about as rare as the ninja, though hopefully not as difficult to find if you lose it. Or as likely to stab.
The phone runs around $2,460 (zł.5,900), but customers in the US will find that Mobiado products aren't available for sale there. By coincidence, there aren't many ninjas in the US either - probably because it's difficult to be stealthy when you've got ginormous buttocks.
