Tech Eye: Put this where the sun don't shine

Or the various poker accoutrements around the hole in the wall that passed for a fireplace in our hovel that Brother was fond of using to test out his trademarked 'branding art'. He was convinced his "heat-treatment body modification" was going to take over as the body art of choice for the stars. He is still waiting for this latest venture to get off the ground, but when it finally catches on, the cat, now heavily scarred, will be the coolest kitty in town.

Beware, also, the fabled Christmas Tree. Though not exactly furniture, last year's almost proved fatal for Granny TechEye, who was dozing in front of the fire with a bottle of whiskey for company when it toppled over and nearly subjected her to a prickly, pine-scented death. Suspicious cuts in the bark had an uncanny resemblance to the teeth in father's favorite chainsaw but the highest court in the land never proved a thing.

However, if this gadget attempts to topple you out of its leather-cushioned gap, much like a tourist in Thailand with itching in a strange place, you've got exactly what you paid for.

This is the Armed Chair. Using motion sensors it rumbles and groans, grips and heaves in synch with the movie you are watching, giving you an interactive cinematic experience. However, men be warned - we're not sure what it does to your swingers during certain scenes in American Pie. Get yours in all its luxurious leather glory, in a color of your choice, for around zł.40,000 from www.armedchair.com. For that price, we want it in white rhino, please.