Tech Eye: Restoring the yodel to glory
While Techeye is the sort that appreciates the latest and greatest in musical innovation, there is also much to be said for those euphonic stylings of yesteryear. Where are the lamellophone solos in today's music, for example, or the impromptu mridangam jams? What happened to the appalachian-chic of the washboard orchestra?
The absence most keenly felt in recent music, however, is that of the yodeler. Adding a yodel or two would have made the Beatles' White Album that much more potent, for example. Yodeling is also good for the health. At least three scientific studies have shown that ululation not only soothes venereal-disease symptoms in listeners, but also helps plants grow and makes beef tastier when played in abattoirs.
Our regular readers (both of them) might wonder why we're so keen on yodeling. The answer is simple - long ago, when Techeye was but a young scofflaw, we tried to prove our criminal worth to dear old Mum by stealing an alpenhorn from a band of traveling yodelers passing through the village. Unfortunately, the wily warblers grew suspicious when they noticed the two-meter bulge in our pocket and captured us, but were impressed by the amount of operatic squealing we emitted when they tried to remove the aforementioned alpenhorn. Thus it was that, as penance, we joined the troupe and spent the summer yodeling to and fro across the land.
Recalling those fresh-aired days brings a tear to our eye, so Techeye has made it our mission to repopularize yodeling and other neglected forms of sonic art. To aid us in our quest, we've picked up a couple of Proclaim Audioworks' DMT-100 speakers. These spherical speakers feature driver manipulation technology, external crossover circuitry and, best of all, they're shiny, making them the perfect tool to proselytize to our friends and neighbors - we like to point the speakers in different directions, leave a few people bound and gagged in the room, and set the album "Best Yodels in the World... Ever" on repeat. The DMT-100s cost a piffling $25,995 (zł.73,440) each, or $29,999 (zł.84,752) with custom finishes, but when you're trying to bring ululatory joy to the world, no price is too low.
