Tech Eye: Step away from the sweatband
TechEye has never really seen the point of exercising.
Our daily life and nocturnal activities keep us as fit as a rock-breaking convict and we spend enough time sweating as it is. In fact ever since our unique musky odor began attracting the attention of the village cats and horses, we've tried to avoid breaking out in a sweat (or breaking out in anything else for that fashion, although given the increasingly lusty charms of the local ripe dairy maids, and what with summer being upon us, it's looking increasingly unlikely to be an infection-free vacation season for TechEye).
In fact our daily business is regularly interrupted by a brisk bit of jogging. Barely a day goes by when we don't have to hotfoot it from the local marketplace after The Man ambushes us innocently selling our home-made nocturnal amateur footage of a certain local all-female educational institution. And you'd be amazed how much weight you can lose through pure cold sweat when crouching in the bushes in fear for your very life while shooting footage in the dead of night for aforementioned films.
If that wasn't enough, then our occasional trips to what Uncle Hard Nut TechEye likes to call the big boys' health spa, or prison to the rest of us, always manages to knock the few extra pounds off our scrawny frame. The constant vigilance needed to protect our honor in the showers takes its toll on our figure, the bare-knuckle boxing is great for the abdominal muscles, and the summertime riot and arson-themed prison-wide party, followed by the mass breakout, always leaves us feeling refreshed.
However, all you big soft Jessies out there who've never felt the touch of another man on your first night 'inside' probably get your exercise by polishing your diamond cars or climbing up and down your gold wallets. If so, this gadget will be right up your privilege-paved street. Nike and Apple have teamed up to give us the inspirationally named Nike+iPod. A sensor is stuck onto your favorite Nike footwear (no word yet on whether it works on other shoe variants, such as horseshoes, snowshoes or clown shoes), which links wirelessly to your iPod. It then displays in real time how far you've run, how many calories you've burned, your pace and even talks to you for encouragement (its great to see the big corporations making sure the terminally lonely and desperate can find solace in the metaphorical arms of an inanimate MP3 player). The kit should cost around zł.89.
