Tech Eye: Surviving the dark months ahead
In the midst of our au naturale amblings the Mother Superior stepped out to challenge us, dressed in what must have been a steel-plated habit and wielding a halberd. Just at that moment, however, Winter appeared out of nowhere and cruelly smote the whole city with glacial winds. The upside was that the gelid shift in weather surprised the abbess sufficiently that we were able to leap out a window. The downside became apparent on the long, unbetrousered walk home.
That incident got Techeye thinking (a rare thing, but frostbite of the nippular region tends to encourage it) about all the winter survival advice we've got to offer our reader. For example, in our experience mittens are not only warmer than gloves, but you can also paint them a flesh color and then, while standing in a crowd, scream "Who melted the fingers? The fiiiiiingers!" Hilarity ensues every time. Another fun survival tip - don't wear rubber undergarments past Halloween.
We've honestly got enough winter wisdom to fill a bog roll and a half (doubly ply), but since space is limited we'll boil it down to the single most important lesson for getting through winter - make sure the men in the family have toys enough to play with and the women have something shiny to distract them during the interminable, rimy evenings. We learned this the hard way last year, when our alpha wench suddenly went crazy and demanded "snuggling" and "quality time." It was as though she'd escaped from the film version of The Shining.
This year we're taking no chances. We've picked up Motorola's oh-so-shiny Moto
Q 9h phone to keep her distracted. This gadget boasts a QWERTY keyboard wee enough to pleasantly frustrate our thick-fingered wench and it's got a 2.0 megapixel camera so that we can capture evidence of spousal abuse should she demand "nuzzling" again. As for the rest of it, the Moto Q 9h has all the requisite fancy bits and costs around zł.1,800. Big Mama Techeye seems happiest about the satisfying thunk the phone makes when she throws it at our head, though - hopefully it will keep her busy this winter.
