Tech Eye: Tanks for all the good times
Sure, we've been known to drool a little at the very mention of gadgetry (which has made us unwelcome at Intel's laboratories), but some things just naturally stimulate the old saliva glands more than others.
Take refrigerators, for example. A new, environmentally friendlier-than-ever fridge is nice, but frankly a bit boring. An "intelligent" fridge that makes Godzilla noises when empty of beer, however, is nothing short of spectacular. Add to that an iced-coffee dispenser, neon trim and a doggy door (useful if your pup/toddler is trained to fetch) and a standard, modern fridge suddenly becomes an icon which any self-respecting sycophantic cult could worship.
Alas, while Techeye's mission in life is to find and promote (or steal) worthy inventions, promising ideas too often lead to naught. That's why Funtrak's Paintball Panzer, a "purpose-built one-man tank originally intended for use on paintball sites," has us giggling like a Space Camp nerd sealed in a nitrous-oxide filled spacesuit. The tank's chief armament is a laser-tag cannon, but it can also be fitted with a water or paintball cannon - which, let's face it, is more a lifestyle choice than simple aesthetics. Most exciting, in our opinion, is Funtrak's claim that their tank is able to "crash through shrubbery." Sadly, however, it does not "pirouette," meaning our lifelong dream of synchronized tank ballet remains unfulfilled.
The Paintball Panzer is unlikely to favorably impress the ladies (excepting swarthy, large-knuckled ladies) but that's never bothered Techeye before. It may not be as streamlined as an M1A1 Abrams but it "certainly does NOT look like a cheap dune buggy with a tea chest nailed to the top," as the tank's inventors helpfully point out. For UK residents, the tank can even be driven (legally) on roads, though a family-sized half-track isn't yet on offer.
If you're looking to pick up a Paintball Panzer (like all the cool adults), it's available from www.funtrak.co.uk for around zł.52,984, but if you've got the dosh for five or more tanks, that sum drops to a piffling zł.43,252 each. Remember, though - pirouetting in your Panzer is strictly verboten.
