Tech Eye: The price of being earnest
Even as a wee shaveling, back in the days when the village grooved to the music of Tangerine Dream and the mullet was the king of hairstyles (even the vicar sported one), our fellow ruralites were constantly infuriated by our tactlessness and ability to disgruntle even the least disgruntle-able of folks. Indeed, even sweet Mother Techeye once threw a pitchfork at us when we innocently suggested she could stand to lose a few tens of kilos.
Following the pitchfork incident, Mother had us talk to a few psychiatrists, but nothing much came of that either. One quack, for example, suggested that our inability to play nicely with others stemmed from a reverse oedipus complex fused with acute pteronophobia (fear of being tickled by feathers). We disagreed, however, and had the muppet banned from medical practice - it was around this time Techeye developed a bad case of hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words) and all the shrink's fancy talk "amounted to torture for us," we told the medical review board.
Regardless of psychiatry's failures to neuter our personality, Techeye has learned one or two lessons about dealing with people. We've learned, for example, that epileptics don't appreciate strobe lights or being asked to demonstrate their "fun-time, party spasms." We've also ascertained that it's best to never compliment a woman on her "marvelously ginormous buttocks" or "attractively under-developed forebrain." Also, Techeye has acquired scientific evidence that, contrary to rumor, the French do not prefer it "froggy-style." Earning this last bit of education cost us more than a dozen wetsuits and enough skin to upholster a couch, but we finally learned our lesson.
In the end, though, the most valuable lesson we've learned so far is that it's simply better not to be within "violence range" of the person we're speaking to. Thus mobile communication has been a godsend for Techeye, and we're always on the lookout for new and fancy phones. Recently Nokia's 2630 caught our eye, with its spiffy 640x480 pixel camera, bluetooth technology and integrated FM radio. Most importantly, at 9.9 mm thick, the 2630 is Nokia's thinnest phone yet, helping it to look that much grander when held opposite a ginormous buttock (or a pair, if you prefer). Whatever your motivations, you can get yours for around zł.321.
