Afraid to speak to a group? What's your point?

Speaking in front of a group can either be the most terrifying or most rewarding experience of a lifetime. I am blessed to be able to deliver more than 100 speeches per year to some of the largest and most sophisticated audiences in the world. I am never nervous. Oh, sometimes I get excited, and I'm full of energy every time I speak. But nervous? Never. It is said that people fear speaking more than dying. The reason is, you're still alive after you give a lousy speech. In my experience, I have discovered why speakers, or people who have to give a speech, or even salespeople who have to give a presentation (people like you), get "nervous" before the event.

Nervousnous and its evil twin, "afraid," are symptoms, not problems. Here are the problems: " Unprepared. If you are not prepared for the presentation, there is an uneasiness as well as fear of getting "caught" unprepared. Sometimes it's in the familiarity of material you present. Or deeper - it's a lack of understanding of the material you present combined with the fear of being asked a question that you will not know the answer to (remember high school?). Either way, the remedy is a two-part preparation. First, understand or "own" the material you are presenting. Please note I did not say memorize. Memorizing is the biggest single cause of fear in presenting. "Fear of forgetting." If you own it (know it cold), you don't need to memorize it. Second, anticipate the questions the audience or your customers may ask you. Then answer them on paper. By answering your own questions you'll give yourself additional knowledge, and at the same time, additional self-confidence.

" Low self-image. If you think you're not very pretty, weigh too much, or are the wrong color, you are correct. If you tell yourself you're the greatest and getting better, you also are correct. Your choice. Judge yourself, don't stand in the shadow of the judgment of others.

" Low self-esteem. This differs slightly from low self-image in that you value yourself and your capabilities at a low level. Someone way back when told you that you were stupid or ugly, and you believed them. Big mistake. The cure for limited self-image and low self-esteem are the same. Go out as fast as you can and purchase a CD of "The Strangest Secret" by Earl Nightingale. It's a 30-minute lesson about the reality of your self-thinking. Recorded in the late 1950s, it is still the single most powerful personal development message available today. If you have trouble finding it, go to my Web site (www.gitomer.com) for help. HINT: The cure lies in the way you direct your thoughts.

" Afraid of ridicule. This image is burned in your brain from grade school, junior high school and high school where some teacher made fun of you in front of the class. Everyone in the class laughed, you felt like dirt, and secretly wanted to take a baseball bat to the teacher. In my opinion, teachers have no right to ridicule anybody other than themselves. As a parent, when one of my children was told, "that's a stupid question," I immediately had her removed from that teacher's class. My advice is simple: If you're well prepared, look professional and your self-image is high, the fear of ridicule will evaporate over time.

" Lack of self-confidence. This is the most complex of all personality flaws. It is actually a combination of all four listed above. Confidence is built or destroyed over time based on your thinking and your life's experiences. As you continue to build small victories, your confidence will improve. When you first tried to ride a two-wheeled bike, you were nervous and shaky. The first episode, no doubt resulted in a fall, a skinned knee, blood and excessive crying. Within a week, you were riding the bike. Within two weeks, you were riding the bike with no hands - all as a result of successive success experiences. Presenting or speaking is the same as riding a bike. The more you do it, the more you know how to do it, and over time the more you know why you do it, and the more confident you become.

Try this Here are two ideas that will get you on the "fearless" track: " Dwell on the past victories and successes - remind yourself of when you did them, not when you didn't.

" Write down "why" you have the fear. Many people have fear and are clueless as to the cause. Sometimes that self-discovery is enough to make it dissipate or disappear. Please note that I have already given you the supreme confidence-building answer. It is contained in "The Strangest Secret", and I recommend you listen to it once a week for a year, then once a month for a lifetime. I have, and so far it has worked.

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Jeffrey Gitomer, author of "The Sales Bible" and "Customer Satisfaction is Worthless, Customer Loyalty is Priceless," is president of North Carolina-based Buy Gitomer. He gives seminars, runs annual sales meetings, and conducts training programs on selling and customer service. He can be e-mailed at salesman@gitomer.com.