Animal magic at the Euro show

Well, that trip to the European Parliament in Strasbourg last week was a bit of an eye-opener for all concerned. MPs from Poland and the other “CCs” (candidate countries) knew that animal welfare was a strong policy area for the European Union, but they didn’t realise the strength of that commitment. Some, it has to be said, would have called in a marksman to remove a couple of deer from the runway at Strasbourg airport, but instead 29 planes heading for the seat of EU democratic power were diverted to other airports, some indeed to other countries, rather than upset the local wildlife. And while the deer frolicked on the tarmac, road transport was laid on across the European continent to reunite the parliamentarians and Parliament. The Polish MPs despatched to investigate this, the only democratically elected institution in the EU, were diverted to Lyons, which is at least still in France. But France is a big place, and it was still a bit of a hike by road to Strasbourg. Verdict: a minor glitch. The Cypriots found themselves landing in Brussels, where transport was laid on for the five-hour slog to Strasbourg. Verdict: major glitch. It wasn’t just the applicants, of course, because deer-bound airports are great levellers: veteran Euro-MPs were also rerouted to the regular emergency destinations of Frankfurt, Germany and Basel, Switzerland. I say regular because if the deer don’t get you, the fog will. Strasbourg has fog like dogs have fleas, and no amount of EU research funding has found a way to land a plane in Strasbourg, or anywhere else, when the clouds close in. Still, it was a learning experience for the CCs, and they could only admire the stoicism of veteran parliamentarians who, often enough, have to grin and bear it and pile aboard coaches to complete their journeys. The worst part is being seated next to an MEP from a rival politician faction, someone you wouldn’t talk to across the debating chamber in a million years. But on a dark winter’s night, in a chilly coach in a land such as Switzerland, which won’t even consider EU membership, everyone pulls together and sings old songs to keep spirits up until the hulking silhouette of the European Parliament’s glass wonderland looms on the horizon. Many of the MPs sent to see what the European Parliament is all about found it hard to believe that the deer wreaked so much transport havoc, but with the International Fund for Animal Welfare lobbying MEPs every month, there was no way the animals would get anything more than a gentle plea to please get out of the way. This is part of the caring, sharing image of the EU that the CCs are being urged to adopt. Biggest trade bloc on earth, yes. World-class currency, possibly. But we didn’t get where we are today by landing aeroplanes on helpless animals. What we can do, of course, is move the entire European flaming Parliament away from an inaccessible city which, through no fault of its own, inconveniences everybody somewhere else. Brussels, for example, where there is already a European Parliament and where MEPs have their offices and staff, and where they would be much happier. The problem is that Strasbourg is the official home of the Parliament. It’s written in the Treaty. MEPs must meet there at least 12 times a year. Only EU leaders can change that, and this, the longest-running issue in Parliament history, is what is known as the problem of the “seat.” The European Parliament, many believe, cannot be taken seriously while it is still arguing about where it should meet. And I suspect the two deer on the Strasbourg runway last week were carefully placed there by agitators for a permanent move to Brussels. If so, it worked: the visiting MPs were duly unimpressed with the travel arrangements, and Euro-MPs from the CCs can be expected to side with the majority and against the French after the June 2004 euro-elections. Elected ladies and gentlemen, take your seats, and take them to Brussels. Geoff Meade is the European Union editor of the Press Association.