Culinary adventures with the good soldier Svejk
The good soldier Svejk, the snub-nosed hero of the famous books by Czech author Jaroslav Hasek, was quite partial to a few too many beers. Not to mention some robust Czech fare downed with a bottle of slivovica. No wonder he was such a popular dining partner, and a chubby chap. And no wonder there is a restaurant in Warsaw named after him. U Szwejka (spelled the Polish way naturally) has been a fixture on the Warsaw dining scene for the past seven years. On the corner of Plac Konstytucji, the restaurant is easy to spot by the cutout figure of Svejk who stands sentry on the footpath, resplendent in his World War I army uniform. It's a popular spot that has stood the test of time among meat-loving Poles who like their portions Big with a capital B. When David and I popped in for a Monday night meal, we were lucky to get a seat.
Waitresses were madly rushing about - many of them bearing great platters of gnawed golonka bones that looked like something the Flintstones would have eaten at the local drive-in. It was then that I knew this was going to be a Big Food Night. Funnily enough, for a restaurant that calls itself after one of the Czech Republic's most loved literary characters, U Szwejka doesn't serve Czech fare. In fact, the only Czech thing we consumed were a couple of shots of Becherovka, a Czech clove-and-cinnamon flavored liqueur that the waitress plied us with as soon as we sat at our table. Instead, the menu is a melange of anything meaty. There's steak from the U.S.-endorsed "American Beef Club" to chicken kebabs or a good ol' platter of grilled meats. We perused the menu with a complimentary duo of dips - one meaty and one cheesy. For starters, David went for the Hungarian goulash soup, while I opted for the more Polish żurek. Both were substantial and good. For our main courses, I chose the Vienna schnitzel while David went for the golonka. "Our golonka is very, very good," said our waitress, happy that she had another pig's knee customer.
We also ordered a side salad and a baked potato each, which are priced individually. Like the rest of our dinner, these additions were on the HUGE side of big, and obviously superfluous when we saw our waitress struggling with a tray on top of which lay our meals. My schnitzel had the proportions of a small rug that lapped over the edge of the plate. The chef, obviously pushed for space, had hidden my boulder-sized spud underneath it. David's golonka was of equally prehistoric proportions and cooked to perfection with meat that just fell away from the gigantic bone. As for my schnitzel, the chef had clearly been a bit exuberant with the mallet, flattening it to within a millimeter of its life. It was hard to find the veal for all the fried crumbs and once it turned cold, it took on the texture of a floor mat. But it still tasted yummy. Seeing us up to our elbows in meat, salad and potatoes, our waitress sidled up to us. "Can I get you something else," she asked politely.
"Another golonka," said wise-guy David, struggling with his dinner. I had to quickly stop the waitress from heading to the kitchen with a second order. She obviously didn't understand David's perverse sense of humor. But, if you've got a craving for something meaty and big, U Szwejka is for you. I think you'd be hard-pressed to eat your way through two golonkas, let alone a rug-sized schnitzel. We had to leave our dinners half eaten. I hope you also like music from America's south because U Szwejka certainly has plenty of Patsy Cline and Elvis on its background music play list. Dinner for two, including drinks, came to zł. 198 ($50).Sun. Noon-1 a.m. Credit cards and reservations accepted
On the menu: Hungarian soup zł. 13 Żurek zł. 12 Vienna Schnitzel zł. 27 Golonka zł. 38 Devil's spicy rib of piglet zł. 30
