Loud decor and bad music the only black holes in cosmic pub
"The Final Countdown" was playing as we descended the stairs to the basement pub off ulica Marszalkowska. It was not even the original version, but a disco remake that ushered us into the space-theme restaurant. It was all too corny. Woody and I were looking for a little Wednesday night grub after a long day in the salt mine. As we staggered in the door at the Cosmopolitan, I half expected to see Buzz Lightyear.
The decorating emphasis was definitely on the cosmo part, with lunar craters in relief all about the wall, and little white lights forming a background of stars. Woody commented that it reminded him of the bar scene in Star Wars, but with office types instead of aliens clustered about the glass-brick and stainless-steel bar. Neon beer signs filled out the rest of the dimly lit, smoky room. We saddled up to a picnic table in the back corner and admired the beautifully lit cappuccino machine. Music videos flashed on a TV over the bar while completely unrelated disco music played.
The pub menu sitting on the table was a tabloid-sized sheet of paper. Appetizers ranged from zl. 17-zl. 22. Main courses, with such inviting names as Meteor and Dzwonko Neptuna (Neptune's bell), ranged from zl. 28-zl. 32. We liked the names so much, I had to have a Skylab (zl. 32) and Woody ordered the Apollo 13 (zl. 28). But more about that later. The soup of the day was zl. 10, salads went for zl. 19-zl. 20, side dishes for zl. 5-zl. 8, and desserts such as Space Pie and Space Galimathias ranged from zl. 6-zl. 16. A similar menu on an A4 sheet of paper went through the daily lunch specials, which are served from noon to 4 p.m. on weekdays (soup and main course for zl. 20).
Our friendly waiter immediately seized upon the fact that we were not native speakers and proceeded to be very helpful in English while bringing us our Budweisers (zl. 12). With beer that expensive I may find other places to tilt one back after work. As we were enjoying the beer and contemplating our dinners, some so-called live music started up in the opposite corner. A man and a woman surrounded by electronic gear started in pre-programmed synthetic versions of bad pop hits. They managed to make Enrique Iglesias less musical and whispered their way through Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive." Give them credit for the most absolutely soulless, disco version of "Unbroken Chain," complete with popcorn popping synthesizers. The other patrons were similarly unimpressed, and the music fell silent to no applause, only the relieved sound of dozens of customers who could once again hear their conversations. Woody and I thought of clapping just to be jerks but good manners got the better of us. The waiter explained that the band usually plays outside in the evenings (Wednesday-Saturday, 8 p.m.-11 p.m.), but the rain forced them inside that night. Cosmopolitan also serves grilled steaks and hamburgers in the beer garden in fair weather.
Then the waiter helped us through the regular menu and gave suggestions. He said the Skylab was his favorite and so I ordered it. The Skylab is a sirloin steak in pepper sauce. The steak was larger than a medallion, but somewhat smaller than I expected. The pepper sauce was wonderful, showing true finesse. The dish came with a side of steamed cauliflower, carrots and green beans, and crispy, shoestring cut french fries. I am not a big french fry fan but these were wonderful what McDonald's pretends to be.
Woody's Apollo 13 came with the same side dishes. The centerpiece was chicken breast with a crisp sesame crust on a bed of tomato sauce. He was very happy with the meal.
We also ordered a salad, the Galatea Salatka Floryda, which they were happy to split for us. We expected to receive the salad first but all the food came at once. It was made up of lettuce, corn, smoked chicken, pineapple and something that was supposed to be grape, but we termed the mystery melon. With its sweet and tangy taste, Woody and I were at a loss to recognize it. If it was some form of exotic grape, it had been fermenting in something else. The only disappointment was that the salad came in the dreaded mayonnaise dressing.
Dinner for two came to zl. 116 ($26). In general, the kitchen was really first rate, something that is especially surprising in a pub. We were happy with all our food. The bad music and aesthetically bombastic surroundings interfered with the dining experience. I would enjoy going back sometime without the music. Cosmopolitan's outdoor grill seems tempting to try in the future and is located well for people watching at the corner of ulica Marszalkowska and Aleje Jerozolimskie. It might be a good way of avoiding their nouveau-consumptive interior and focus on the food.
