Pony up those hard-earned zlotys, Tax Watch is going public
For three long years, this column has brought you the highs, lows, and in-betweens of the Polish tax system, and was recently voted "Best English Language Tax Column in a Business Newspaper in Warsaw" for the third consecutive year (by my mother). The certification will follow as soon as I can work out how to print graphics on the color printer in the office.
Additionally, the recent success of the "Tax Watch" team in the Cricket Club quiz convinced me that the time is right for the extension of the "Tax Watch" brand into related knowledge-based industries, beyond tax into the realm of remembering the significance of the songs played on Martin Reilly's old gramophone. (Those who say that the real inspiration in application of knowledge was in getting Romek and Tuck to mark the answers will be hearing from our team's lawyers.)
So here's how it works. All prospective shareholders will receive shares in Tax Columnist Holdings, a company to be registered in a jurisdiction yet to be determined. (We are in discussion with NASA about incorporating the company on board the next space shuttle flight to make it completely free of taxes on earth, but this could create a U.S. tax issue as the flight originates in the U.S.)
This means that regulatory costs can also be minimized, increasing the profits available for shareholders.
Tax Columnist Holdings, which I'll call TCH, holds the exclusive rights to use my name and photograph on newspaper columns, T-shirts and any affiliated products in Poland. TCH in turn pays a royalty for use of the "Tax Watch" name to the publishers of the Business Journal. We are currently negotiating world-wide licensing rights for the extensive archive of old, sorry I mean classic, columns. Additionally, negotiations are in progress for someone to use the Ferrigno name, but as he's not born yet these will be finalized later this year.
The movie rights have been optioned to Tax Columnist Pictures (TCP), which is at present scanning the streets of Cannes to flog the next big thing to producers (shame the film festival was last week).
We tax columnists have decided that we've had enough of lawyers having movies made about them, and it's time for a flick about tax advisers. Obviously, the hero will have to be made a little taller and remove his glasses for the action scenes, but we're confident that the screenplay will have people interested.
The merchandising rights will be assigned to a new company, Tax Column Merchandising (TCM). TCM will collect royalties for putting the "Tax Watch" name on various products. Current negotiations include a brand of calculators, mobile telephones and sleeping pills (not Viagra - tax columnists are like newspaper editors and we don't need this kind of stuff!).
We are also looking at licensing an "As worn/used/eaten/all three by the Tax Watch column of the Warsaw Business Journal" mark, which include discussions with Sunny and Nick for use on their suits.
TCH will also continue to receive the usual fee from the Warsaw Business Journal for provision of the regular column. Negotiations are underway for a TV slot, which will initially be transmitted at 3 a.m., subject to an English language business television station being interested.
So, shareholders in TCH will receive the following:
- column income from WBJ (net of payment for rights to use the Tax Watch name)
- royalty income from TCP for the film rights
- merchandising income from TCM
There will also be a stock option plan for management, to enable them (me) to participate in the profits made on behalf of shareholders, as an incentive to actually work occasionally, rather than sit making sarcastic comments in the corner.
TCH's current year income comprises several pints of beer bought at WBJ Mixers, as well as a Garfield beach towel and duffel bag won at the Cricket Club Quiz and Curry Night. Forecasts for coming years show exponential growth, as the global merchandising market is enormous, and we only need to capture 0.00001% of it to increase our profits by 1,000%.
Past performance is no indicator of future potential, and these profits have not been audited or reviewed by anyone other than the editor, who checked my grammar in the above sentence prior to publication.
To ensure that this is tax-efficient for foreign nationals residing in Poland and Polish nationals, TCH will not pay any dividends. Instead, the income will be retained to give an increase in asset value, making any profits a tax-free capital gain under the current provisions of the PIT law, which says that profits made on the sale of shares bought through the stock exchange are free of PIT.
As all the licenses will be between TCH and non-Polish entities, there should be no problem with Polish withholding taxes on the royalties, nor with Polish VAT.
The flotation date will be announced as soon as the merchant bankers get back from their conference discussing the idea, which is taking place in Indonesia.
Peter Ferrigno is a tax manager in the Warsaw office of Arthur Andersen. The strange ideas and views expressed above are the author's own.
Additionally, the recent success of the "Tax Watch" team in the Cricket Club quiz convinced me that the time is right for the extension of the "Tax Watch" brand into related knowledge-based industries, beyond tax into the realm of remembering the significance of the songs played on Martin Reilly's old gramophone. (Those who say that the real inspiration in application of knowledge was in getting Romek and Tuck to mark the answers will be hearing from our team's lawyers.)
So here's how it works. All prospective shareholders will receive shares in Tax Columnist Holdings, a company to be registered in a jurisdiction yet to be determined. (We are in discussion with NASA about incorporating the company on board the next space shuttle flight to make it completely free of taxes on earth, but this could create a U.S. tax issue as the flight originates in the U.S.)
This means that regulatory costs can also be minimized, increasing the profits available for shareholders.
Tax Columnist Holdings, which I'll call TCH, holds the exclusive rights to use my name and photograph on newspaper columns, T-shirts and any affiliated products in Poland. TCH in turn pays a royalty for use of the "Tax Watch" name to the publishers of the Business Journal. We are currently negotiating world-wide licensing rights for the extensive archive of old, sorry I mean classic, columns. Additionally, negotiations are in progress for someone to use the Ferrigno name, but as he's not born yet these will be finalized later this year.
The movie rights have been optioned to Tax Columnist Pictures (TCP), which is at present scanning the streets of Cannes to flog the next big thing to producers (shame the film festival was last week).
We tax columnists have decided that we've had enough of lawyers having movies made about them, and it's time for a flick about tax advisers. Obviously, the hero will have to be made a little taller and remove his glasses for the action scenes, but we're confident that the screenplay will have people interested.
The merchandising rights will be assigned to a new company, Tax Column Merchandising (TCM). TCM will collect royalties for putting the "Tax Watch" name on various products. Current negotiations include a brand of calculators, mobile telephones and sleeping pills (not Viagra - tax columnists are like newspaper editors and we don't need this kind of stuff!).
We are also looking at licensing an "As worn/used/eaten/all three by the Tax Watch column of the Warsaw Business Journal" mark, which include discussions with Sunny and Nick for use on their suits.
TCH will also continue to receive the usual fee from the Warsaw Business Journal for provision of the regular column. Negotiations are underway for a TV slot, which will initially be transmitted at 3 a.m., subject to an English language business television station being interested.
So, shareholders in TCH will receive the following:
- column income from WBJ (net of payment for rights to use the Tax Watch name)
- royalty income from TCP for the film rights
- merchandising income from TCM
There will also be a stock option plan for management, to enable them (me) to participate in the profits made on behalf of shareholders, as an incentive to actually work occasionally, rather than sit making sarcastic comments in the corner.
TCH's current year income comprises several pints of beer bought at WBJ Mixers, as well as a Garfield beach towel and duffel bag won at the Cricket Club Quiz and Curry Night. Forecasts for coming years show exponential growth, as the global merchandising market is enormous, and we only need to capture 0.00001% of it to increase our profits by 1,000%.
Past performance is no indicator of future potential, and these profits have not been audited or reviewed by anyone other than the editor, who checked my grammar in the above sentence prior to publication.
To ensure that this is tax-efficient for foreign nationals residing in Poland and Polish nationals, TCH will not pay any dividends. Instead, the income will be retained to give an increase in asset value, making any profits a tax-free capital gain under the current provisions of the PIT law, which says that profits made on the sale of shares bought through the stock exchange are free of PIT.
As all the licenses will be between TCH and non-Polish entities, there should be no problem with Polish withholding taxes on the royalties, nor with Polish VAT.
The flotation date will be announced as soon as the merchant bankers get back from their conference discussing the idea, which is taking place in Indonesia.
Peter Ferrigno is a tax manager in the Warsaw office of Arthur Andersen. The strange ideas and views expressed above are the author's own.
