The final countdown after eight years
And so your columnist faces his final deadline.
By the time this issue of the WBJ hits the streets, I will have hit the road, and will be the former tax partner in the Warsaw office of Arthur Andersen, columnist emeritus of the WBJ. (Those of us who didn't study Latin need reminding that emeritus does not stand for " 'e' because you got the elbow and 'meritus' because you deserve it" as was once alleged).
I was planning to disappear in a cloud of smoke, a drum roll and cymbal crash with a devastating expose of what the tax authorities and Finance Ministry need to do to get their act together. But ultimately I thought that such pompous sermons from Johnny Foreigner tend not to go down too well. And after all, I have been saying for years that I hope they don't read this.
So, instead, I have auctioned off all my famous cartoon character ties in favor of United Way, and will head quietly for the door.
My colleague Anna Szymanska will be taking over the column in two weeks. In addition, my crucial expatriate business community/corporate networking role will be handled by my colleague David Frier, so those of you used to heading to the Business Mixers to tap some tax advice will need to look for him and buy him the drinks you intended to buy for me.
But before I go, a few final random thoughts and observations:
Don't underestimate the tax authorities here. They are improving all the time in their understanding of increasingly sophisticated international tax concepts. Days of dodgy structures are numbered (as I've been saying for most of my life as a columnist).
On the other hand, don't overestimate them too much either. Highbrow concepts and theories and economic analysis of commercial justification is almost pointless if the invoice is in the wrong name or doesn't have the right VAT number on it.
Never expect the fact that something is peanuts to distract them from making a big fuss about it.
It's difficult to pretend you're keeping up with the vodka toasts if the mineral water has bubbles.
I still can't find in the laws the offense of "innocent until proven foreign," but it must be there somewhere.
All foreigners are cheating on their taxes, aren't they?
And, of course, all Poles are paying absolutely everything they have to.
The five-year limitation on how far they can go back is unconnected with my assignment here having been eight years.
Why has no taxi firm registered the trade name "Psycho Taxi?"
Are those morbid little crosses erected at the side of the road subject to real estate tax?
And are those girls standing there a positive symbol of increased consumer demand and disposable income (demand-side economics), or a negative indicator of increased financial hardship (supply-side economics)?
Will Birmingham really be as exciting as Warsaw?
How much customs duty will I have to pay to import my wife to England (Polish origin, for customs classification purposes)?
Why don't expats get the vote here if we did, we could elect Tony Housh and Martin O'Reilly to the Senate to represent us foreigners as even-more-public figures, they would then have to behave themselves.
If this country is supposedly so corrupt (allegedly), how come nobody ever offered me anything? So that I could show my high principles by refusing, of course.
Why did someone once say on meeting me that they liked the column but had thought I was taller?
If the Polish economy is about to head into recession (Mr. Greenspan told me that slipping from 7% growth to 3% growth doesn't actually meet the technical definition of a recession, but never mind), will my departure be listed as cause or effect?
And has the treasury taken that into account in forecasting budget revenues for next year?
Have those of you who have unpaid invoices realized how hard it was to write this column without publishing your names and addresses?
Will he ever run out of childish jokes and silly comments?
Yes, actually
If I try and thank everyone that will be another column. So I will limit the thanks here to my many colleagues who have contributed to columns in the past. This especially includes the infamous Andersen U.S. Tax Group in Brussels (Marcia Doyle, Reese Fredrickson, Alex Knight, Abigail Greef, and also Ann Gudiens who has contributed to many of the articles and never got a mention before), and before that, my mentor and guru James B. Files.
And of course to the Warsaw Business Journal and New World Publishing for giving me this opportunity to make my small mark in the development of the Polish economic transformation.
It's been good, it's been fun, it's been eight years, but it's time to go home. Good luck to Anna in her future endeavors in this column. And thanks to all of you for reading, enjoying, laughing and crying at the appropriate moments. Like now for instance.
Peter Ferrigno is an Arthur Andersen partner, currently on sabbatical between leaving Warsaw and moving to Birmingham, U.K.
