The preserve of gentlemen
La Boheme
The Warta Building
ul. Chmielna 85/86
Tel. 581-1020
Hours: advanced booking required
Credit cards accepted
Robert DeNiro has his Nobu restaurants in America; Sly Stallone and friends have conquered the world with Planet Hollywood; and Naomi, Christie and Elle fashion's own holy trinity have their Fashion Cafe.
Well, now Poland has joined this coterie of celebrity restaurateurs.
Remember the late Victor Kiam the man who liked his Remington shaver so much, he bought the company? Well, one of Poland's richest men, Jan Kulczyk liked Warsaw's La Boheme restaurant so much he arranged to have his very own version of this top-notch eatery. And guess what, you can eat there too.
In November last year, Kulczyk invited La Boheme to open a satellite restaurant in the Warta building the insurance giant of which Kulczyk's company Kulczyk Holdings just happens to own 80%. His company also owns a sizeable chunk of Telekomunikacja Polska (TPSA); it has interests in Czech automaker Skoda; highway developer Autostrada Wielkopolska; plus a stake in the brewers of Tyskie and Lech beers among other things.
He uses this restaurant just a quick elevator ride away from his office for business lunches, meetings and well, whatever he wants really. The kitchen organizes the menu and Kulczyk approves it just like he approved the interior design of this 30-seat restaurant.
Of course, in keeping with protocol, when David and I decided to dine there, we booked well in advance to avoid disappointment.
I'd always wondered what the inside of the Warta building looked like. Externally, it has all the allure of a great dark blue mausoleum. Inside, it looks like Gotham City's townhall, all vaulted ceilings, dark granite and a huge sculpture, reminiscent of a torture implement from the Spanish inquisition, suspended in midair.
We felt lucky to be allowed in by the two guards at the front desk who looked at us suspiciously.
"We've got a dinner booking at La Boheme," I said meekly. Like a couple off to meet the Queen of England, we were escorted up the escalator to an anonymous gray door. A man in black tails and white gloves greeted us, before handing us over to our waiter for the night and I call him Our waiter because we were the only people in the restaurant.
But don't get the idea that this restaurant is vast: It's not. It's smaller than the average Warsaw apartment.
It has dark walnut fixtures; swirling art nouveau paintings on the wall and lemon-butter upholstered chairs. There are peculiar brass sculptures on the walls, and an even stranger series of ocular decorations on the windows. The carpet is dark blue and blood red, the plates white porcelain and the silver cutlery simply sparkles.
The gold recessed ceiling is interrupted by an air conditioning duct that looks like something from a Russian spacecraft, and at the far end of the room, great ruffled blue silk taffeta curtains hang. Except for the tinny noise of those Norwegian one-hit wonders, A-ha, whining through the sound system, the place had the ambience of a private gentlemen's club.
It looked like no restaurant I had ever seen. Blissfully ignorant of the Kulczyk connection, I asked the waiter who usually dines here?
"It's for VIPs," he said. David and I nodded blankly. "And it's the private dining room of Dr. Kulczyk."
Which made me wonder how David and I managed to get into the place. But being the businessman that he is, Kulczyk obviously likes to get a return on his investments, so La Boheme is open to public bookings just as long as your birthday dinner doesn't clash with a high-powered meeting about TPSA's latest plan to move into Poland's baked bean market.
I was secretly thankful we were the only ones dining there because the place is so intimate, if there had been any other diners, I would have felt compelled to talk in whispers.
With a flick of the wrist, the waiter deposited great starched linen napkins in our laps, and handed us an oversized menu, plus a piece of rolled yellow paper with the daily specials photocopied on it.
Being antipodeans, it was hard to resist a bottle of '97 David Wynn Chardonnay (zl. 107).
A basket of delicious breads and little butterballs was brought to whet our appetites while we waited for the meal to begin.
David's starter of creamy pumpkin soup with ginger was perfect. Superb, with just a subtle bite of ginger.
My duck salad was fresh and light but the anticipation of getting a plump little breast of duck was dampened by the fact that it was thinly sliced pieces of smoked duck. It came with a peculiar tomato dressing in a little silver boat.
For the main courses, David chose the grilled lamb cutlets and they were the tiniest, sweetest little morsels of lamb either of us had either seen. Succulent and lightly cooked, they were delicious. They were dressed with pink peppercorns and a shrubbery of fresh rosemary all sitting atop a potato cake. A little bit on the small side of delicate, they were still satisfying.
I ordered the steamed pike perch from the specials menu, as much out of my own curiosity as the seductive recommendation of the waiter. It came to the table in a bamboo steamer. With a flourish, the waiter whisked away the lid. After the steam had cleared, there was a pile of shaggy julienned pieces of fennel and carrot and great boughs of fresh oregano. After a precarious maneuver with spoon and fork, the waiter deposited it on my plate. I knew that somewhere underneath there was a piece of steamed fish: I found it and it was succulent and sweet. The steamed vegetables scrumptious.
It came with a tiny pot of jasmine rice flavored with herbs and a creamy chilli sauce on the side. It was kind of Thailand meets India on the way to Tuscany. A strange combo I know, but it tasted fresh and healthy.
Dessert was a shared slice of apple pie served with delicate pea-sized scoops of ice cream, although the zabaglione made fresh at the table sounded tempting if a little too intimate.
The food was good, the service well, very focused, and the prices definitely up scale.
When I told a colleague about my latest meal at the new La Boheme restaurant, he curled up his nose and said: "That sounds a bit posh for me. My idea of a good restaurant is a place where you can get a birthday cake with sparklers delivered to your table."
And I had to agree with him. Perhaps, if you're after a near-perfect dining experience, head for La Boheme No. 1 at plac Teatralny. Either that, or get on the personal invitation list of Jan Kulczyk.
Dinner for two including drinks came to zl. 362 ($90).
On the menu:
Creamy pumpking soup with ginger zl.25
Duck breast salad and tomato sauce zl.36
Lettuce with grilled back tiger prawns zl.38
Steamed pikeperch fillets zl.72
Grilled lamb cutlets zl.74
Fillet of veal wrapped in Parma ham with carrots and taliatelle zl.68
Apple tart with cannamon sauce and vanilla ice-cream zl.24
